last night i prayed and told god how scared i am, and asked him to please just kill me.  i don't want to feel what i'm going to have to feel when everything sinks and i lose my precious pets.  they're all the family i have.  and god was about as cooperative as he always is, which means i woke up alive.  so i figure that means i'd better do something with the day.

the dallas zoo has an opening for an animal keeper.  i applied and wrote them an eloquent cover letter.  more of that online stuff.  you can't ever look at a person and apply for a job any more.  i think i'll go there monday and see if i can find someone to pester.

an aquaintance gave me the number of the company he works for as a security guard.  i threw it out when the animal shelter hired me, but i'll get it again and call them.  if what he told me was true, about all i have to do to get hired is call, and i need an income of some kind.

i can't go to the gym.  my membership expired.  i guess i'll clean and go to meeting.  it's so hard to walk through the day without hope.  but, they say stay sober and go to meetings; something will work out.  so i guess i'll hold on to that today.