well, i got to work at the animal shelter for three days.

this morning i got to work, greeted my boss, chatted for a moment, found out he's been in touch with h.r. and i didn't have to worry about wearing long sleeves to cover the tattoo.  he told me debbie (my direct supervisor and co-worker) had just called and she was on her way in.

i went in, bathed the puppy debbie and i had talked about yesterday, fixed him some puppy food, did the first morning cleaning and fed the cats.  debbie came in, brought me a couple of her uniform shirts because i didn't have mine yet, and we got to work.  i mostly cleaned today; she got busy putting animals on petfinder.com.  there's this amazing, huge, black, blue-eyed dog i was anxious to have her put on.  i had already decided if he didn't find a home before he ran out of time, i'd take him home and find him one.  debbie asked me what his name was for his ad; i said "beowulf," and then asked her how she'd known i'd named him.  she just laughed.

so, i came back to the office after putting away some puppies, and jeremy said that larry wanted to see me.  i went over and larry and his boss were both in the office (and the feeling of dread hit, but i assured me i hadn't done anything wrong, so i couldn't be in trouble).  larry offered me a seat, thanked me for coming, and told me he was going to have to let me go.  he wouldn't tell me why.  i'm so confused.  i know i didn't do anything wrong.  i went back to the shelter and told debbie, and she was just shocked.  she swears she didn't have any complaints, and i believe her.  bonnie and lenny (close married friends) are both of the opinion that he had a niece or something he decided to hire.  i don't know.  i don't get it.  larry was excited.  he told me they'd be waiting for me.  instead of the three weeks he said it would take for the tree-killing process, it took about a week and a half.  he had to have pushed it along.  he wanted me there!  what happened?

i'm so scared.  i was so relieved to have finally found a job.  the money is completely gone.  i have maybe two more emergency unemployment payments, and then that's gone.  i wrote my mom twice and asked her for help.  the first time she said she'd have to "check her finances," apparently forgetting that i got the same letter she got; i know how much grandma left her.  but i took it to mean she'd already given everything to my perfect brother.  when i wrote her the second time, i only asked for a few hundred dollars.  she didn't even deign to reply.  i don't know why i was surprised, but i was.

now i don't know what's going to happen to me and the animals.  i can't sink.  where will they go?  my "groveling for money" site is getting off the ground a little, but it's slow (no money yet, not even for book orders).  if my own family won't help me, and strangers won't help me, and i've tried everything i can possibly think of, and can't get a job, i'm essentially screwed.

also, not working at the animal shelter means i can't get into the vet tech program at cedar valley college; you have to be working in an animal care facility, and petco (to whom i have applied twice and been rejected) doesn't count.

i'm too depressed tonight to even try to do anything.  i think i'll just pet my dogs for a while, say my prayers and go to bed.  maybe in the morning i'll be able to come up with the will to try (try what?) some more.    this sucks.